In the Middle of it All
I’m a mom in the middle…..
…this means I’m right in the middle of raising my kids, and honestly, I don’t know if this will all work out! :)
I have the benefit of being through some stages of parenting and the benefit of still having time to get other stages right!!
I feel fortunate to not be done…
“We proclaim Him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all energy, which so powerfully works in me.” Colossians 1:28-29
I struggle to firstly present myself mature and sanctified and then to present my kids this way as well.
As moms, there are a lot of things that we struggle with. The struggle is real! And you’re not alone. Here are 4 things things that myself and other moms say they struggle with.
1. Need for More Patience
When I’m struggling to find patience with my kids and at home, I have to remind myself of all the blessings that I have. When I become impatient for whatever reason, I have to pray to God to help me bite my tongue and be pleasant, I have to put in the effort to smile and nod about the Disney show they want to watch, and seem interested in the loooooong story from school they want to share, or the super-detail they go into about some video game. I actually have to remind myself…“Sonny, you almost didn’t have kids.” I have to keep it in the perspective that it will be only a few years from now when I am begging for them to come visit and spend time with me. What it all comes down to is my children feel valued when I listen to them. And our kids need to know that we value them and that God values them.
2. Need for More Friends
I’ve had friends all my life and sometimes look back at how many I’m not friends with anymore. Seasons change and friends change. When you’re navigating through life with less camaraderie than you previously had or expected to have at this stage, it can be hard to deal with. When you see other people socially flourishing, it can also lead to you feeling insecure.
My prayer during those moments is to lean into God and remember He is more than enough. He has has given me a spouse to be my best friend. I want Shawn to be my confidante so we grow closer with our children around and not further away. Coincidentally, this is why date nights are important…sometimes you need to get away from the kids! We aren’t two islands just getting through the night and day.
My realization is this: right now is family time. It’s a time to disciple. It is concentrated and feels long, but it will be over so quick and suddenly you’ll wish you had spent less time with friends and more time with your kids and husband.
The only thing I regret when I look back at my kids thus far was not spending enough time with them. I never think about a friend I missed time with when my kids were young. Friendships may or may not still be there once the nest is empty. Maybe you just communicate with friends through text or facebook for a season…that’s totally ok! We have to take the pressure off ourselves to have a “BFF” and a ton of friends at all times in our lives! The truth is, we aren’t 18 or 21 anymore, we are maturing, and it’s a good thing!
3. Need to do Better at Balancing Priorities
Feeling completely overwhelmed, running from here to there, trying to constantly catch up, wishing for just a moment of peace anyone? These are symptoms of life out of balance. Most of us desperately want a balanced life, but we don’t always know how to get there.
At Life Church, we talk a lot about our “Top 5”. It is how we believe everything in our lives should be filtered through.
#1 - God#2 - Myself (because God wants me to take care of myself so I can take care of others)#3 - My Spouse (because my children need to know my marriage is my most important earthly relationship…they need to see love & commitment)#4 - My Kids#5 - My Extended Family#6+……friends, church, work, etc….
When you have your Top 5 in order, it’s a lot easier to maintain a balanced life with your priorities set straight.
Being a great mom who correctly prioritizes means to actually not have a kidscentric family. Think about it…if you were on an airplane and the oxygen masks came down, you would need to put your own mask on first so that you could be available to help your child breathe!
In particular, as a mom, one of the biggest gifts you can give your kids is related to #3 on the list: a strong marriage. When you center your life first around God and then secondly around a loving and healthy marriage…it’s the gift that keeps on giving.
4. Need to Build More Character in My Kids
We all want our children to be people of character and integrity. We want to be great “Christian Parents”. Often times, we can get down on ourselves when we realize our kids aren’t necessarily acting in the way that we would hope they would.
A huge character builder is to teach our kids that life isn’t fair. Taking that a step further, we have to teach our kids that they still need to submit to authority when things are unfair…not just have respect for authority when things are going their way. This is a lesson some of us adults need to learn as well…our kids are watching our reactions to unfair circumstances and will take note if we are respectful or not towards the people who are being unfair to us.
The biggest key to character building is that you must personally focus on Jesus first (going back to #1 of your Top 5). When you focus on Jesus, He will help you. Your kids need to see you focusing on Jesus. Sometimes our kids only see us focusing on their achievements, or their poor behavior, or what another kid did, or what the teacher says about them. Your ultimate goal can’t be the achievements of your children, their grades or their athletic ability….your ultimate goal has to be Jesus first in your life and secondly in their lives.
At the stage I am in, being a mom in the middle, I need to be prepared for the next stage of my kids’ lives. I don’t want be playing catch up at each stage. My job is to be preparing my kids to be adults on their own…which means I have to live against the grain of today’s “helicopter parenting” culture. We can’t always try to shield and rescue our children, but we can show our children that good decisions lead to lasting blessings while bad decisions lead to consequences.
Our kids are looking up to us as examples. Sometimes, to get my kids thinking about the decision they’re going to make, I ask my them: “What are the results to your decision in 5 minutes, in 5 days, and in 5 years?” But this is a question, as moms, we need to constantly be asking ourselves too. Whatever you bring into a situation will be multiplied. If that’s a calmness and peace it will be multiplied, if it’s anger and fear and tension that will be multiplied.
I want to be remembered by my kids as peaceful and kind. Therefore, “I labor, struggling with all energy, which so powerfully works in me” so that I may “proclaim Him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ.” Colossians 1:28-29
Pastor Sonny